


if love is a joke then use me ruthlessly

by flytothesKAI



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Infidelity, M/M, Marriage, Mpreg
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-08
Updated: 2019-01-08
Packaged: 2019-10-06 15:11:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17347493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flytothesKAI/pseuds/flytothesKAI
Summary: Like how the autumn was replaced with the winter, their once warm feeling turned as cold as ice.showki bingo card bprompt - angst





	if love is a joke then use me ruthlessly

**Author's Note:**

> unbetaed. title from block b's toy.
> 
> disclaimer: i love every single members in monsta x ㅠㅠ

Kihyun and Hyunwoo were happy together.

Who would ever thought a jock, popular student and the university soccer star like Hyunwoo would stutter when asking the literature major Kihyun out on the upcoming Valentines’ Day?

Their first date was nothing like in any romantic movie and novel ever portrayed. They strolled in the park and chatted about everything they could think of.

“Why would you burden yourself with literature? That was like the hardest subject ever after Math.” Hyunwoo shook his head and shuddered when thinking about it.

Kihyun snickered despite the cool breeze kept hitting his face and small figure. “But literature is fun. You can express your feeling poetically and emotions with strings of beautiful words.”

“I’m not good with words.”

“Maybe I can help you with that.”

Kihyun turned his face away to hide his reddened cheeks when he heard it. “I would love to.” Hyunwoo’s voice was deep and serious, making Kihyun wondered if he really meant it. A cold droplet from the sky hit Kihyun’s head and made him groaning quietly because fucking great, their date was nothing but a failure.

Then everything went blurry in Kihyun’s mind when Hyunwoo stopped walking abruptly and grabbed his arm before pulling him in his embrace in a swift move. Kihyun was petrified and slowly closed his eyes as Hyunwoo lifted his chin with a finger before kissing him softly.

It was Kihyun’s first kiss and nothing like he ever thought. Those few seconds were seemed an eternity for him, like the Earth had stopped spinning on its orbit, like everyone and everything around them disappeared and it was only them at that place, under the heavy cold rain.

They continued walking in silent but the warmth of Hyunwoo’s hand in his own told everything he needed to know. Kihyun ended up drenched when he got home but that was nothing like the heat on his cheeks and the mad butterflies in his stomach.

All because of a boy named Son Hyunwoo.

Kihyun didn’t remember how but they ended up married after his graduation day. There were not many people invited and Hyunwoo only got him a cheap silver ring because they were still young and poor but Kihyun was more than pleased. To him, Hyunwoo’s sincerity was enough.

***

When Hyunwoo got his job at a firm with quite high salary, Kihyun was so proud and ecstatic about it, not because of the payment but the smile on Hyunwoo’s face, so bright and so cheerful.

“Finally I can earn my own money. Now I can buy you the kitchen knives set you always want.” Kihyun laughed because Hyunwoo remembered that time he jokingly asked him to buy the set for his birthday.

“Now you make me feel like a weirdo.” Kihyun shut his eyes in bliss when Hyunwoo stroked his soft ash grey hair. He's happy with this life.

The first few months were filled with laughter in the house during dinner as Hyunwoo would tell him everything happened in his office especially about his co-worker Changkyun who was clumsy as hell. But Changkyun was a great buddy and easy to talk to so the two got along well. Kihyun was happy because at least Hyunwoo wasn’t feeling alone and could enjoy his work more.

The next few months were filled with grunts and sighs in the house during dinner as Hyunwoo complained how much works he had to finish before the end of the month and his problems with other workers who were jealous of him because the boss seemed to favour him more and it wasn’t like that’s his fault.

The months after were filled with silence and quietness in the house during dinner because Hyunwoo was too tired to talk or even change his clothes that he ended up sleeping with the suit still on him and loose tie around his neck. Hyunwoo got promoted in a short amount of time and he got his own room now. The works were piling up that he sometimes didn’t even come home, leaving Kihyun to eat small portion of the dinner alone before he threw the rest away. Hyunwoo was too busy he didn’t even have time for Kihyun but he was fine with it.

Kihyun came to work with dark circles around his eyes and was very pale that his boss Hoseok took notice on him.

“I’m worried about you, Kihyun. You don’t have to come to work if you aren’t feeling well.” Hoseok’s voice was laced with concern but Kihyun’s body was fine, only his heart wasn’t though.

He wondered how long he could bear this.

***

Kihyun was brought back to reality when he heard loud knocks on the door in the middle of the night. He opened the door and not surprised to find his drunken husband stepped in the house. He approached his husband to take off the suit from his body but he was pushed away. He could smell a whiff of perfume not belong to any of them and his body went numb.

‘Relax, Kihyun. There must be a company party and he couldn’t help but smell like his co-workers. You must trust him. Hyunwoo would never cheat on you. He loves you.’

But even Kihyun knew those are all lies he used to trick his stupid heart.

“I don’t want you.” Hyunwoo whined incoherently and staggered to their shared bedroom with wobbly legs, missed the glint of sadness in Kihyun’s teary eyes.

Kihyun and Hyunwoo were happy together.

Or was it only Kihyun thinking that?

Because he felt like the feelings weren’t mutual anymore now.

Kihyun was speechless when Hyunwoo swatted his hands away when he tried to touch the man, or when he ignored Kihyun and they hadn’t had sex for months, or when he ever questioned his relationship with the new intern, Lee Minhyuk at his workplace after he accidentally looked at Hyunwoo’s phone wallpaper.

“You don’t have any rights to know, Kihyun. Whatever I do at work isn’t your problem.” Hyunwoo snarled at him, his voice was like dripping of venom and slowly but surely eating Kihyun from the inside. The dinner he had prepared for their anniversary was scattering on the floor. Instead of crying, Kihyun slowly dropped to his knees to clean the mess wordlessly and went to bed alone with heavy heart, silently contemplated what he ever did wrong to Hyunwoo that made he hated him so much.

Kihyun was still looking for the answer.

***

Kihyun wanted to fix their relationship by recreating memories they had like the old times, when Hyunwoo still loved him, Kihyun thought bitterly. The first thing he’s going to do is to surprise him with homemade lunch like he used to make for Hyunwoo.

Kihyun’s mind was only filled with Hyunwoo he accidentally cut his finger but he just brushed it off like it wasn’t a big deal. 

Because to Kihyun, it’s alright to get hurt a bit as long as Hyunwoo was happy.

As soon as he reached the office, Kihyun happily skipped into the building and greeted Jooheon, Hyunwoo’s secretary who was also his junior.

“May I know if I can visit Hyunwoo now?” He showed the lunchbox to Jooheon with a grin. Jooheon nodded, “Sure. He’s free now. It is lunch hour after all. Want me to show you the way?”

Kihyun shook his head and thanked the younger before walking to his husband’s place that he remembered by heart although it was almost a year he hadn’t visit him. Wanting to surprise Hyunwoo, Kihyun pushed the door gleefully only to witness Hyunwoo with another man on the couch in a promising position.

The bag in his hand fell on the carpeted floor with a soft thud but his heart dropped and shattered with a loud crash.

“I- I’m sorry. I shouldn’t b- be here.”

Hyunwoo lifted his gaze from the man to see who’s at the door and was stunned to see Kihyun who was shaking and flustering madly, stuttering to find words. Hyunwoo pushed Minhyuk from his lap and got up to reach for the younger but Kihyun shook his head unbelievably, trying to force himself to deny this reality and ran away as fast as his legs could.

Kihyun ran, ran and ran. He passed everyone without any words and not even lifted his head with his shaky hand covering his mouth and head hung low because he worried they might notice the tears in his eyes. The silver wedding ring around his finger was heavy and cold, just like this crumbling relationship he had tried to rebuild that seemed impossible to do so.

Because you could never fix a relationship meant for two, alone.

Kihyun didn’t know how he even managed to reach home but he ended up lying on the bed and cried himself to sleep while gripping hard the ring in his hand.

Kihyun felt the bed dipped and someone’s threading his hair. He didn’t expect Hyunwoo to lie beside him. His face was unreadable and his mouth said nothing but those two eyes were telling him everything he could never say.

But this time, Kihyun didn’t want his eyes to speak for him. He needed to hear it from Hyunwoo’s mouth itself because his eyes were like two pools of lies and truth and Kihyun wasn’t sure which one was the one he’s looking for.

“Is this just a dream? Am I missing you too much?” Kihyun’s voice was hoarse with all the crying yet those simple questions were like deadly bullets penetrated through Hyunwoo’s heart.

“I promise I won’t do that again. I want to save our relationship. I want to save us.” Hyunwoo's voice cracked. “I love you.”

“I love the way you lie, Hyunwoo. Do you think if you keep lying it will come out as truth?” His eyes were still fixed on the wall behind Hyunwoo, as if the blank white space was more interesting than the man he married for three years in front of him.

“Ask your boss to change Minhyuk to another department or give him a resign letter I don’t care. I don’t want him to get near you anymore. Can you do that for me, Hyunwoo?” Kihyun pleaded.

But Hyunwoo went silent and something in Kihyun exploded.

“Answer me, Son Hyunwoo. Is my simple request too hard for you to do? I fucking know that you do want him around you, want has his hands instead of mine all over you and made me feel like shit every single day because I have to get through this and accepting your apologize over and over. Fuck, Hyunwoo. Fuck you because I fucking hate you so much.”

There was a silent, only the faint sound of the rain hitting the roof and the pitter-patter of water droplets on the window. At time like this, Hyunwoo would ask for a mug of hot chocolate, just to find a reason to hug Kihyun from the back while the older prepared the drink. Hyunwoo’s naked chest against Kihyun’s back and Kihyun’s bare legs brushed against Hyunwoo’s sweats.

But now it was different, because people changed and Hyunwoo was one of them.

“I’m sorry, Kihyun. I’m sorry for not pushing him away. I was stupid. Please give me a chance. I don’t want to lose you. Never.” Hyunwoo brought Kihyun’s hand to his mouth and kissed each knuckle lovingly and Kihyun would have fallen for Hyunwoo’s sweet approach if not because of the scene he saw at the office played in his mind vividly, reminding him how broken his heart was.

“Do you even love me, Hyunwoo? Tell me the truth so I won’t get hurt again.” Their foreheads were touching and their breaths were heavy, each second ticking away was a silent torture to Kihyun.

What if he says no? What if he pushes me away? How can I live without him?

“I love you. I still do, no matter what.” But why it sounded so artificial and forced? Why, Hyunwoo?

“Then prove it.” Kihyun whispered desperately as he kissed Hyunwoo passionately before pulling his husband to the bed.

Kihyun awoke with a hiss when he felt a sharp pain shot through his spine. The sun already came out and it must be noon now. He opened his eyes and realised he was all alone and naked under the sheets, only him on a bed too large for one.

Was it only a dream? Was he missing Hyunwoo that much?

But when he inspected himself by the reflection of the mirror, he knew the last night was real, judging from the purplish spots bloomed on his neck and his inner thighs. Kihyun wasn’t sure why but he was contented, knowing Hyunwoo still savoured him, still fucked him good, although he was now disappear, like any other days.

And as much as he hated it, he couldn’t help to think that only lust was keeping him satisfied with this marriage.

***

The cycle continued.

Hyunwoo would ask for more and more while Kihyun would willingly give everything to him, blinded by Hyunwoo’s sweet nothing whispers. There were no words exchange between the two except velvety moans and passionate kisses, with Hyunwoo only thought of those as nothing more than lust while Kihyun appreciated them as their silent love vows.

The only bright side from this was Hyunwoo stayed the night at home more often, probably too tired to even walk after fucking Kihyun well and Kihyun was thankful for that. If sex meant more time with his own husband then so be it.

How irony it was when the relationship based on pure love and innocent confessions now became very poisonous and nothing more than friend with benefit.

But Kihyun was alright with it; Kihyun was always alright for Hyunwoo.

That night was same like usual, Hyunwoo approached him like a predator wanting to eat its prey, ready to wreck him and make him a writhing mess, when suddenly Kihyun pushed Hyunwoo away and ran to the bathroom to throw up everything in his stomach.

Hyunwoo was puzzled as he slowly following Kihyun’s step. His husband was now kneeling on the tiles, hands gripping the toilet bowl so hard that his knuckles turned white and his face was scrunched in pain. Something struck deep inside Hyunwoo’s heart that made him bent down to rub Kihyun’s back to ease the pain.

“Are you okay, babe?”

“I’m sorry, Hyunwoo.”

“W- Why?”

He couldn’t bear to see the look on Hyunwoo’s face when he knew he was pregnant with his child. He didn’t think he could stand if Hyunwoo didn’t want the baby and force him to get an abortion. No.

Hyunwoo may hurt him as much as he wanted but Kihyun didn’t have heart to let their child suffer too.

Kihyun took a deep breath and sighed. “For pushing you away. I don’t feel really well tonight. I want to sleep. Goodnight.”

Hyunwoo was a bit sceptical at first but then he got a glimpse of Kihyun’s white as paper face and he immediately held the younger’s shoulders to guide him back to the bed. Kihyun wanted to tell Hyunwoo to stop being nice because it would make things worse but the sleep took him away.

Hyunwoo couldn’t tear his sight away from Kihyun, no matter how hard he tried to. He brought his hand to stroke his husband’s dyed hair; long fingers threaded the hair softly to not wake him up. Hyunwoo noticed the colour was dull and fading unlike the last time he inspected Kihyun’s hair.

But really when was the last time he actually cared enough to spare a few minutes from his day to admire Kihyun’s beauty?

Hyunwoo pulled his hand away from Kihyun’s small figure, suddenly feeling wronged and guilty without reasons.

It’s not like he wanted to treat his husband badly but as time passed, they only had a very short time for each other. Kihyun awoke and Hyunwoo’s already at work while Hyunwoo’s home but Kihyun slept. He tried to make time for him but then there’re stacks of papers and files that need to be done and Hyunwoo had to leave Kihyun for the sake of his work. After all the bills needed to be paid.

As things couldn’t get any worse, Minhyuk happened.

He’s a jerk. No one had to tell him that. He knew he’s an asshole for cheating on Kihyun but it was supposed to be a mistake. He didn’t even have any feeling for the man, unlike Minhyuk who kept pestering him and offering his body to Hyunwoo willingly.

It all started a few days after he was transferred to the company. He would follow him everywhere and Hyunwoo wasn’t dumb to recognize those tactics especially when he started to wear tighter pants and called him with flirtatious voice at work.

Hyunwoo managed to busy himself with piles of works to avoid seeing the man but Minhyuk had long waited for him with Cheshire smile and flirty eyes and Hyunwoo was being an idiot at that time, he let the lust took over him.

Hyunwoo didn’t come home that night.

Hyunwoo had Minhyuk to relief his urge but Kihyun was still the place he found his solace because home’s where the heart was.

But the question was could he still think Kihyun as his home after all he did?

Hyunwoo had no answer to that.

***

Minhyuk lied down next to Hyunwoo with heavy breathing, his chest heaved and he felt like his back was about to snap into two. Despite the pain in his waist Minhyuk could not help but grin dumbly. Indeed, sex with the older was intense and passionate and tonight was no exception. He was alone in the room while Hyunwoo probably in the kitchen, drinking water or smoking. He knew Hyunwoo thought of Kihyun.

Oh, Minhyuk knew everything.

He wasn’t stupid. He knew he was playing with fire the moment he laid his eyes on the married man. Minhyuk couldn’t stop the butterflies in his stomach swarming madly whenever he bumped onto Hyunwoo in the office.

“He’s hot.”

Minhyuk carelessly blurted out his thought in front of his acquaintance Changkyun. Changkyun looked behind him and saw Hyunwoo having his lunch alone with his eyes glued on his laptop screen.

Changkyun gave a scandalous reaction. “Seriously? Out of all single people in this office?” Minhyuk ignored the obvious mocking tone and continued to steal glances at Hyunwoo with his right hand propped on the table to cup his face.

“Don’t you dare pull your dirty tricks on him. Think of his husband at home and don’t be a jerk.”

Minhyuk stood abruptly and caught Changkyun off-guard. “You cannot tell me what to do.” With that Minhyuk took his tray and walked away, leaving Changkyun restless in his seat.

“Move.”

Minhyuk’s train of thoughts halted when Hyunwoo’s deep voice awaken him. He scooted to the other side of bed to give the older some space. Hyunwoo lied down and sighed.

He was confused.

“What’re you thinking about hm?” Minhyuk acted clueless and asked the dumbest question. Minhyuk softly caressed Hyunwoo’s bare chest while snuggled closer. Minhyuk didn’t need answer though. Hyunwoo was not good with words so he didn’t push for a reply. Just his presence alone was enough. 

Hyunwoo grinned at the tiny affection and without second thought he pulled the sheet to cover them both before kissing the top of Minhyuk’s head.

That night Minhyuk slept with small smile pasted on his face.

***

Do I have to tell him?

What if he throws me away?

What if he doesn’t want me anymore?

Kihyun was deep in his thought that morning. His milk was getting cold in his small hands but he didn’t bother to drink it. He decided to tell Hyunwoo about his pregnancy but something inside him wanting to keep it as a secret.

He deserves to know.

After all Hyunwoo is the father too.

He will understand.

Kihyun slowly stirred the milk, watching the white liquid whirled in the cup reminding him how his marriage was spiralling down to crumble. He lifted his head when the door beeped.

Hyunwoo was home.

Kihyun sighed and placed the cup on the kitchen counter, the milk left untouched. He decided to solve this problem quickly.

Hyunwoo looked miserable and Kihyun wondered if maybe he should wait until he was in much better state.

But when?

“Hey.” Kihyun lifted his head and met with Hyunwoo’s tired eyes and strained smile. The tone of his voice felt so cold and foreign to Kihyun’s ears, as if Hyunwoo was greeting a friend rather than a husband.

“Hey.” Kihyun said back with forced cheerful voice. "We need to talk.”

Hyunwoo was taken aback with Kihyun’s sudden serious expression and nodded nervously. He eyed Kihyun’s hesitation in his every movement and wondered what made him like that. Hyunwoo was aware that Kihyun was really suspicious of him and his infidelity would eventually come to his knowing soon but he guessed he could solve all the confused feeling between him and Minhyuk before Kihyun caught them.

He loved Kihyun but he also couldn’t leave Minhyuk.

Kihyun cleared his throat and snapped Hyunwoo from his wandering mind. He found his husband was looking at him expectantly, asking for answer.

“I’m sorry but what were you saying?”

Kihyun closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. Why is he making this so hard?

“Do you still love me?”

Hyunwoo got restless and guilt slowly invading his heart, twisting his inside and gave unpleasant feeling. He softly answered, “Babe we talked about this, right?” His fingertips were tingling when he reminded how he touched Minhyuk last night.

“Will you always love me?”

“Kihyun-“

“Can you stay with me forever?”

His voice cracked and Hyunwoo looked up his husband from his seat, shocked to see how Kihyun was shaking and his breaths wavered. Hyunwoo stood up and tried to hold his shoulders but Kihyun swatted those hands away without giving any second thought.

“Why-“

“I’m pregnant!”

Hyunwoo couldn’t believe what he just heard. Kihyun was pregnant? Like an actual child was actually inside his husband’s stomach? Their own child? He thought of the sweet memories they shared in this apartment, tuff of ash grey locks on his white shirt every time he woke up, all the steamy nights spent on the bed together and Minhyuk…

“No.”

“What do you mean by that?” His ears were ringing from the shock.

“You must be kidding me.” A shaky snort came out from Hyunwoo. Hyunwoo turned his back and staggered to their shared bedroom, leaving Kihyun on the floor alone who was trying to process if Hyunwoo was actually saying that.

Kihyun let out a huge cry when it hit him, that Hyunwoo, his own husband didn’t want to take responsibility on what he’d done. It was like a painful stab to his core. A piercing sting to his trust. Hyunwoo was going to leave him and run off with that guy Minhyuk. Kihyun got up and stomped into their room, ignoring Hyunwoo on the bed who was contemplating the news he just heard

He went into the toilet and grabbed the pregnancy test kit he used that morning to show Hyunwoo that he was indeed not fucking around about this. The plastic object in his tight grip was cold as he pulled Hyunwoo by the shirt collars from the bed.

Kihyun was desperate when Hyunwoo didn’t even look at his pleading eyes. “Do I need to repeat this over and over to get this through your thick skull? I am fucking pregnant your child!” Kihyun’s cry was almost terrifying and hysterical, the hands gripping Hyunwoo’s shirt was shaking badly. Hyunwoo held his husband’s thin wrists and pushed him away, feeling anger slowly creeping inside him. How dare Kihyun lost his respect towards him, his husband that he should respect?

But what Hyunwoo didn’t realise was how frail and lightweight Kihyun was that the impact of the push was so strong he was thrown away on the floor with a loud thud and Kihyun cried when his back hit the wooden floor hard.

Hyunwoo’s eyes widen and he hurriedly rushed to Kihyun’s side to help him but Kihyun stopped him with a glare. “Don’t touch me you fuc-“ He was cut off when he felt warm liquid slowly trickling down his thighs. His lips quivered when the realisation hit him and Kihyun burst into tears.

Hyunwoo stared at the red spots on Kihyun’s grey pyjama pants with horror and with shaky hands he reached for the phone in his pocket to call the first person he could think of. He was hesitated but seeing how badly the bleeding was he braces himself to tap the number.

“Hey, I need some help here.”

***

Hyunwoo sat on the provided chair outside the ward; his head was hanging low with both palms on his forehead.

He regretted his action. He felt sorry for Kihyun and his unborn child. He was the guilty one in this. He should be the one who provided love and care to his husband during his pregnancy but instead he slept with another man, breaking the trust in his marriage relationship and also put the lives of two people he loved in danger. Just what kind of husband he was.

Hyunwoo lifted his head when he heard someone called his name. He saw his friend Changkyun with a pissed off Hyungwon.

“How’s it going? Is Kihyun alright?” Changkyun broke the tension. He glanced at Hyungwon knowingly and the man huffed in defeat before taking a seat two seats away from Hyunwoo.

“I don’t know man. I was just-“ Hyunwoo sighed. There was no point for him to lash out his anger at Changkyun. “They said it’s going to be fine but there’s a lot of blood there. It was an accident. I am not at fault.” He stressed out the last sentence. Hyungwon sneered but he pretended to not notice it.

Changkyun shushed him and patted his friend’s back. He was speechless, running out of comforting words to give his friend. Even he was worried as hell just how could he calm the other?

They waited for almost an hour; Hyunwoo kept his eyes on the floor, Changkyun fiddled with his fingers in his seat between his friend and his boyfriend while Hyungwon tapped his foot nervously while praying for his brother’s and the child’s safety.

A doctor came out from the room and before Hyunwoo got to get up he was pushed by Hyungwon forcefully. He rushed to the man in white coat and with shaky voice he asked about his brother’s condition.

“Fortunately he is in his first trimester and the pelvic bones protect the foetus from the injury. He and his baby are safe.” The doctor gave them a weak smile. Hyungwon cried gratefully in Changkyun’s embrace and Hyunwoo let out a sigh of relief. He was glad to hear that.

The doctor cleared his throat to inform something. “Although the minor trauma during the first trimester doesn’t cause miscarriage, it is advisable for him to be in the calmest state during his pregnancy. I notice he is psychically and mentally exhausted and that isn’t good for him and the foetus.”

Changkyun gave Hyunwoo a look. Hyunwoo knew he was fucked up.

“Close family is allowed to meet him but please don’t stress him.” The doctor left them in the hallway with a soft apathetic pat on Hyunwoo’s back. Hyungwon detached himself from Changkyun and went into the room leaving the two friends.

-

Hyungwon stepped toward to the man on the bed slowly. Kihyun returned the smile despite the pain. He was delighted to see his brother. However his smile faltered when he took a look on the other’s face.

“What with that sad look,” he cupped his brother’s damp cheek, “I am okay.”

“No you’re not. You’re nothing but okay, Kihyun.”

“I am okay,” Kihyun repeated, felt like he was talking to himself more than talking to Hyungwon. “I chose this life.”

“For the love of God please leave him. You deserve better.” Hyungwon took Kihyun’s pale hand in his warm ones. His voice cracked. “I don’t want you to get hurt again.”

Kihyun stared at the white ceiling above him. A single tear was flowing down his cheek.

***

Hyunwoo was traumatized. He never saw that much blood in his life. And to think that he was the cause of that made him the shittiest person ever.

He clicked his tongue impatiently, wanting to meet his husband and ask for forgiveness, promising Kihyun to be a better husband and try to salvage what’s left in their relationship.

But would Kihyun ever forgive him? He almost murdered him and their child because of his anger issue. Not to mention he also cheated behind Kihyun’s back with another man.

Hyunwoo suddenly thought of Minhyuk. How was he now? He knew the man called him many times for explanation but Hyunwoo ignored them partly because he was too ashamed to pick them up when Changkyun and Hyungwon were around.

After contemplating the outcomes he decided to call Minhyuk back to tell him what’s happening when a man rushed past him in hurry to get into Kihyun’s room but halted. Probably because Kihyun already had a visitor.

The man retreated. Hyunwoo eyed him. He never saw this guy before. Who was he?

“Excuse me but who are you?”

The man turned around to face Hyunwoo. A wry smile was pasted on his worried face.

"Shin Hoseok. You can call me Hoseok. And you must be Kihyun’s husband Hyunwoo,” Hoseok stretched out his hand and Hyunwoo reluctantly took it. The hand-shaking was awkward. Everything was awkward. The atmosphere was so tense even the knife couldn’t cut through.

Hoseok was uncomfortable with the piercing stare from Hyunwoo. He faked a cough and tried to make a conversation. “Actually I got a call from Hyungwon, saying Kihyun was admitted here. I got worried so I just-“ Hoseok hesitated when he saw Hyunwoo’s face was getting darkened by each second.

“He’s just one of my employees.” Hoseok finished abruptly.

An employee that makes his boss got up at 3 a.m. to visit him at hospital. “Sure.” Hyunwoo’s guttural voice echoed in the empty hallway.

Changkyun walked towards them with a few canned drinks and packets of bread. He looked exhausted but still managed to crack a grin at Hyunwoo as he tossed one of the packets to the older. He then noticed Hoseok who seemed pleased to have another human’s presence among the two.

“Changkyun.”

“I’m Hoseok, Kihyun’s employer.”

Changkyun nodded and offer a coke but was politely declined by Hoseok. They chatted a bit. Hyunwoo glanced at them with unreadable expression.

“Go ahead! Do whatever you want.”

Hyungwon’s voice boomed from the inside of the room. Changkyun scrambled from his seat when he heard his boyfriend. The door was pushed open and revealed a fuming Hyungwon.

Kihyun was still on the bed, chained by the wires and tube on his arms. “I’m sorry, Hyungwon. Come back.” He pleaded. Hyungwon pretended to not heard as he stepped closer to Hyunwoo and jab a finger to the man’s chest.

“Don’t you ever get close to my brother ever again and stop hurting him you sick fuck.”

Hyunwoo was petrified. “Excuse me-“

Changkyun wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s shaky frame to calm him but was pushed away. “Back off, Im Changkyun.”

“Hyungwon!” Changkyun hissed from beside his boyfriend. They’re making a scene on the hospital hallway and it’s not exactly a polite thing to do. However he was ignored.

“Divorce him. Let him go. Isn’t this what you want?” Hyungwon spat.

Hyunwoo clenched his jaw. He’s not going to that. He still loved him. He knew deep inside he won’t survive a day without Kihyun in his life.

Before Hyunwoo could answer Hyungwon already turned his back. “I will bring my brother home with me.”

No one said anything after that. Hyungwon left after giving the last words, leaving Changkyun contemplated whether he should comfort his boyfriend or his friend. In the end he sighed and with a pat on Hyunwoo’s back he’s gone.

Hoseok glanced at his watch and slowly took a silent leave. Hyunwoo was left in the cold hallway alone, thinking how their relationship became like this.

A few hours passed and Hyunwoo decided to go home with heavy heart without meeting his husband because he knew neither of them was ready to see each other for now.

***

A month passed since the incident but everything was like a blur to Hyunwoo. Now he’s in a café, waiting for someone for their possibly last meet-up. The coffee in front of him was left untouched.

His heart jumped when he saw Kihyun entered the shop. The smaller man was dressed in thick long coat and Hyunwoo unintentionally smiled when he noticed the pink on his cheeks and the flakes of snow on his hair. Kihyun walked to his table and sat down.

To Hyunwoo, this was enough. Just by having the presence of Kihyun was enough. They didn’t need to talk, just enjoying the silence together was more than enough to Hyunwoo but he knew that was impossible.

“Hey.”

He lifted his head when Kihyun spoke softly. A kind smile on his face. “How are you?” He asked carefully.

Hyunwoo answered, “I’m fine.” If fine meant skipping every meals possible, drinking soju almost every night and did nothing but moping around the house then yes, he’s fine.

After all fine was an empty word. Fine was the word you would say to not let the other worry. And it was fine to Hyunwoo.

Kihyun said nothing after that. He noticed how Hyunwoo was anything but fine however it’s not his place anymore to question.

“About the house-“

“I’ll give it to you. I will move out. It’s the least I could do for you and Kiwoo.” Hyunwoo said. Kihyun was fast to shake his head.

“No. Actually I want you to stay there. I will move out. I got a place outside Seoul. Maybe life in a big city is not for a writer with a child.” Kihyun tried to crack a joke to break the awkward tension around them. Hyunwoo smiled bitterly. Kihyun wanted to be apart from him as far as he could.

“I see.”

Neither of them said anything because there was nothing that could be said anymore. They filed a divorce after Hyunwoo begged for forgiveness and for Kihyun to come back. He promised to treat him better and to become a better husband but Kihyun had had enough. He was tired.

“If you really love me then let me go.”

Hyunwoo let Kihyun go.

He had nothing left in his life anymore. Minhyuk left him for his secretary, he was fired from his job and his parents also gave him a cold shoulder after knowing everything.

He was alone.

“We can still meet whenever we got free time. Don’t think me as a stranger, Hyunwoo. We can still be friends. Kiwoo is your child too.” Kihyun placed a hand on top of his and Hyunwoo had to choke back a sob when he didn’t see the familiar glint around one of Kihyun’s finger.

“Yeah.” Hyunwoo nodded mindlessly. What a fool.

“Well, it was nice meeting you again Hyunwoo. I have to go now. See you later.” Kihyun grabbed his coat and got up before walking away.

From behind the glass he saw Kihyun walking together with another man, a genuine smile on his face as he happily chatted with the guy. A small boy in the middle of them, each of his hand was hold by Kihyun and Hoseok.

Hyunwoo sighed.

If only he treated Kihyun better that could be them.

But he didn’t.

**Author's Note:**

> that was...a ride. tbh writing this was very painful to me because a) showhyuk and kiho is my notp b) because the endgame is not showki c) shownu and minhyuk are jerks in this huhu
> 
> Also i wrote this when I was at the lowest point in my life, what with the stress from the study, family and life which explains some of the dark thoughts inside the fic ㅋㅋㅋ
> 
> anyway i hope you enjoy reading this and please tell me your opinion on the angst! I'm not good at writing this genre so I hope you can help me write angst better.
> 
> find me on twitter! @notzuly
> 
> thank you ♥️
> 
>  
> 
> P/s: I had to edit this to be 6k for the bingo submission. tell me if you want me to post the original 8k ^^ the plot doesn't change but you can understand more about the character background from the original version lol


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